tears

i'm sitting at my desk, soon after sending the email with my new last day (may 15th) to kevin and christine d., and all i want to do is cry. christine already sent invites for two teleconferences with her. kevin sent an email to all of the office managers (scott and jeff). i received an email from jeff saying, "good luck in texas. let's chat about the library and vendor information next week." i wanted to walk into his office and say, "thank you for hiring me" because despite my lack of respect for him, he did bring me here. he saw something in me.

i replied to his email and said, " I would walk into your office right now to tell you this, but I'm sure you're taking a break from all of the Procopio work (or at least you should be). Thank you for bringing me here and giving me a job with Gensler. I have loved every minute of being a part of this company. Thank you for seeing something in me to bring me on. I will absolutely miss working here and I'm so grateful that I had the chance to."

it all feels so final now. i'm literally bursting with joy to be moving home, but at the same time, i'm so, so sad to be leaving my friends. san diego holds a special place in my heart because this is where dustyn and i have gotten to know each other so much better, and i've built this small group of people that know me and love me... they don't know my past -or if they do, don't hold it against me because of the person i am now, they respect me, and have pushed me to grow and learn more than i ever expected.

i'm trying so hard to hold back the tears. this is just the beginning. i still have a week left here. how will i ever say good-bye to some of the people i love here without crying? i cried at the thought of having to tell kelley. i absolutely hope i'm able to maintain these relationships. i truly want to know when jamie gets pregnant so i can see pictures of her and i want to know where kelley and carie end up going because i don't think they'll be in SD forever.

hard days are coming. emotionally.