what to do with my life?

i received an email a few hours ago that has really put a damper on my mood this afternoon:

Hi Magan,

Just wanted to follow up with you to confirm a date – I had noted the 15^th AND the 22^nd of May in my notes as your last day. Would you please confirm?

And, we should schedule a tel-con closer to your last day to review paperwork and other information.

this email was from christine dennis, our head HR lady in LA. our principal, kevin, has been MIA from the SD (sorry for using so many acronyms) for the last two+ weeks. He's only been down here once in almost three weeks. therefore, i haven't heard about the possible transfer. i'd pretty much assumed it would be a no since the last conversation i had with him.

the email just struck me deep in my heart. a small slice of reality. leaving my job. saying good-bye. questioning what i'll do now. the friends i am not as worried about - there are people i know for sure i will keep in contact with. those that love me (and vice versa) will remember me.

it's the uncertainities of a job. here are my thoughts... some serious, some humorous:

1. i wait for the economy to get better and apply for jobs at architecture firms in austin. i've worked for a great company (worldwide) so this should look nice on my resume

• dilemma: do i want to do this? do i love architecture/interior design enough to continue this or will something else better suit me?
• plus: i do have a degree in this. i'm qualified and i am good at it. do you always have to love what you do? -->for me the answer to this typically is yes. i don't know how i could go to work every day and not love it.

2. i start my own photography business. i love photography, i think i'm decent at photographing people.

• dilemma: am i good enough? should i go back to school to be technically trained in this? should i mentor under someone? is anyone even willing to mentor me right now with this bad economy? it's very expensive - where do i get the funding? what if i fail then all that money is wasted?
• plus: i'd rather work really hard at something i am not as good at, but love, than to work really hard at something i'm good at, but don't love.

3. i start a frozen yogurt shop. they're everywhere in california - all the rage. popping up on every street corner. frozen yogurt and cupcake shops are the "IT" thing.

• dilemma: what do i know about actually making frozen yogurt? how do i learn this? again, it's expensive and would require a nice business loan.
  
• plus: it'd be really fun and who cares if i'm not using my degree. i think i have a name for it already "MM Squared" which turns into MMM which ... nevermind. I'm just playing now.

4. i stay at home and start a family. everyone that we called about moving automatically thought it was because i was pregnant. my mom has started sending me little emails with her secret grandma name as her signature. everybody says that right now is the "best time" because i'm already unemployed so there's no stress of taking off from work.

• dilemma: hmm. i'm only 23, almost 24. we have debt and i don't think it would be responsible for us to start a family without being more balanced. i'm very selfish and not ready to give up my weekend to be a mom. i don't have any baby names picked out yet (yes, i am aware that is not a pre-requisite.) if i'm not "grown up" enough to figure out what i want to do with my life, should i be bringing another one into this world?
  
• plus: if it happened, it would not be the end of my world. eight months ago, i would have said that it would've devestated me. you know how they say something just clicks in women and all of a sudden, they're ready to start their family? well, i think that the knob is definitely turning in that direction, but it's still going to be a while. i think i would be a great mom, but i think i'd like for leslie to be one first so she can teach me how. :)

5. get a part time job somewhere - ritz camera? target?

• dilemma: when i work there, i spend more money than i make.
• plus: discount!

6. spend my time focusing on what i want to do, take a little time off, explore the photography option, get some of my friends to be my models so i can build my portfolio for a website...but otherwise, stay at home and be a great wife. and work-out [a lot] to look pretty in angela's bridesmaid dress

• dilemma: will i get bored staying at home? will i just become a couch potato?
• plus: dustyn will enjoy having me cook more, i'll get to really think this through before making an abrupt decision.